11th hour

It's the 11th hour.yesterday I have applied for passport renewal.my passport's validity was extended for the mean time.up to feb 2013,pic taken for biometrics.as usual..chaka hahah.

I printed the 43 page form last night. Stressed levels way high.and rob keeps popping in my mind..
Will fill it out today--Lord god, Guide me.

I ask for a chance..to apply the visa extension..no matter how slim..
Give me the chance to serve You well..and be a better me.
Thank You po ..

feb - ibig

went to canterbury on feb 5,didnt see him week after that, dateless on v-day, itsu's on 15th..then fro-yo again tmrw..

Facing the gauntlet this week.Lord,help me.

Lord,Please continually bless my mama,papa,tootsie,ron,tweetums and mclaude health of both body and mind..

continue to guide me.Lord,Let me serve.

Lord help me survive.


AJA!

getting better I hope

lost 33 hrs dis week..nevermind.
back to work tomorrow.

money is in--mama's padala and my salary.Thank God.so the waiting starts.more praying too.AJA!


Met him friday night @goodge street tube station ,proceeded to Josephine's filipino resto
we shared a botttle of red horse n san mig light..then starters lumpia shanhai n fresh lumpia.
he had chicken adobo while I had the pork sisig(which looked n tasted like kilawin)
kalamansi juice and plain rice..then he had leche flan ,I had maja blanca.

I offered to share the bill but he insisted to pay for it..malaki yata seeing from the tener he took out.
then went home together till embankment.he's taking the bakerloo line while I had to go to victoria to get a train back to maidstone..I texted him p to beware of the kick ng redhorse.turns out ako ang nasipa.fell asleep on train ,missed my stop haha! woke up in bearsted and turns out no taxi waiting.no tao ata all! tried ringing taxi but nobody's picking up..the next train back to maidstone will be at 5 in the morning pa,not to mention it's freezing cold..I was stuporous on the train but man I am awake, coherent n responsive now.hahaha
had to call ate yvon,thankfully she picked up.asked her to wake up kuya,asked kuya to fetch me..really scary and cold.
all because of redhorse on an empty tummy.my bad.hahha.

home safe and lived to love another day.Thank God

back to work tomorrow.talked to jade on skype..

10:9 not bad compared to 20:2 hahaha

Hoping and praying for Love,Guidance and Courage.

new life begins today

Jade has left yesterday=((
havent call back in..lost 17 hours already.and counting..
Asked him out ,gonna meet him today.for the last time.I can feel that he's already gone too far for me to reach..I hope I can move on because delay is one of my not so good habits.I want to stay here.still.and do what I'm destined to do..So help me God.

The money has been sent but hasnt entered my account yet.so I'm in trouble.

Jesus Christ,I Trust in You..kaw na bahala today Lord.Your will be done.

*^_^*

livin on a prayer

Still in England,Thank God!

unscathed..but had to reduce my hours when school starts..need to find new rackets.

the date went ok.went to Don vincenzo again..He had spaghetti while I had Prosciutti crudo which is ham n cheese pizza..too big though.had to force him to eat half heheh.Had a drink @ Two Brewers just in front ..He had half pint spit fire,and another half pint of another beer.I had 2 half pints of guinness..

zdrasti

Baozi Inn, O'neill's, frankit & benny's,Don vincenzo's, The Atrium, rochester pub, Young cheng,Little italian resto in camden,Itsu's,Waxy's--

goodbye?

tomorrow, God forbid I'm gonna be sent home to pinas.

Praying for a chance to try again..Big time !
I always loose sight of the big picture. I failed again. forgive me.
I think I'm in love and my dreams are gonna be crushed tomorrow.

shall I say goodbye? Is this really the end?friends and no spark but totally hooked hahaha.bad romance!

Salamat sa lahat.
Jesus Christ ,Hari ng awa,Kami ay nananalig sa Iyo.

I passed

amazing,disbelief jud..

band 7.5
listening 8.0
reading 7.0
writing 7.5
speaking 7.0

Thank God! ^^

hopefully mka extend ko. ^^

fast forward

4 dates after,3 hugs,2 half pints of kent brew,1 pint of guinness and a jug of cosmo ---i dunno If there 'll ever b another one..I think he got upset,or worse...**

my dreaded exam results tomorrow..funny thing is I'm not worried.at all ..or at least think I'm not..but I am about to make a big mess of what bedlam it already is ..

It would have been helpful If I can google how he feels about me so I can get it done and be over it.

and google my exam result so I can know what's the next step===whether kill myself to death working or wallow in misery and agony..


God help me.

this year, I plan to jumpstart my career.grow my hair long,travel more,live more..circulate and take responsibility for my life..

Sicut me DSeus Adjuvet

love actually

Finally decided to push through extension..no money yet though but already enrolled,finally taking IELTS on saturday( havent reviewed yet.) We'll be staying at toms for our in depth review..

ALL this with fever,dry cough and runny nose.not to mention headache.

will be back to work tomorrow (been off sick --again!)
off on tuesday for the staff christmas party @wetherspoons.
early on wednesday,
Thursd8 with robert.
^^
exam then Filipino association christmas party,then baby maxine's baptism.whew.
then CHRISTMAS na!!

soon

to mrs.w Thank you for giving me that time to care for you on ur final hours..Hours and minutes I wasn't able to give to my own grandmothers on their dying beds..Salamat guid.

THINGS ARE PICKING UP.finally after months of feeling lost, I Think I'm ready to take the next step now. Need to save first to back up my plans-to-be whatever they maybe.hence the 8-2,8-8,2-8 duty today n yesterday..pamugas na gid kay naglukdo nko sako n a haf heheh (85kg)

By the way,I went to visit Edinburgh on my birthday,well sept18-sept 19..I definitely need to come back there k ma braveheart pko hehe..I got sick that day and twas pouring hard so the eejit me just went home.

I'm good with doing things people least expect me to do..like my midterm 69 that turn into 95 on pre finals..maayo na lng pag release grades wala nkabutang prelim,midterm,pre fi or finals..final grade lng ..whew
So now I want to do that again..Nursing and I ,we were separated but not apart..and definitely together again and for always.

Ielts on nov 20..visa expiry feb 2011..
soon enough I will decide.


More than ever,I miss my family..
ron's doing well in training..lost weight aparently..I pray that he remains healthy.
tootsie's busy running the house er.. working ( he feels like an only child nowadays kay xa lng wid mama n papa at the mo)
tweetums,she's nearly done training er college..I pray that she remains healthy body and mind.
mclaude,mylil bro,hus doing good btw DL xa..I pray that he will take heed what we are telling him.

mama n papa ..going strong..I always pray for their continual health

me?I just wish I could make a decision soon.I pray for God's guidance.



that's all for now..I think.
not very chatty today are we? ^^

Sat, 21 August, 2010 2:56:49

[ No Subject ]

...

From:	thea bates ... View Contact
To:	toddlern21@yahoo.com

---

Dearest tatay,

I have written thousands of letters in my mind but this will be one of the few in paper.

When I came in England,I thought I would lose myself.But I’ve never been more proud and sure of myself and my culture.Things are different around here,things change a lot faster.

I have also been able to realize I have been running away ,hiding from the life I never planned on.

You see tay, I have planned things until graduation. after that I didn’t know what to do. The real world is filled with cruel realities, that and the responsibility of living my life for myself and in service of other’s lives got so daunting and so overwhelming I chose to quit..I was an idealist, a dreamer confronted with the brutal truth that people die, everyday..no matter how hard I manually pump their chests to bring them to life, sometimes they still die. And that I have to live with it.

I am afraid to live life. thinking of things that may happen. I already wasted 5 years running away from something I do good in—nursing.

I realized I am depriving myself—going for the safe and not living my life entirely.

Nanay would be glad I am away, she knew I needed to learn to walk on my own without using my family as a crutch but as an inspiration to get on and face the gauntlet.

I remember when I told her I was going---she said, mangadi ka gid pirmi ha..

I am blessed to have her as my grandma the longest, But I think you out win us all as you have spent a lifetime with her.

I regret that I wasn’t able to be there to say goodbye.

We all loved her and she loved us back.. It was more than enough

Although I t was a long time ago, I am happy that she gave me the privilege to care for her when she wasn’t well and when she was strong and agile shopping in the busy streets of davao, buying those orchids and letting me carry the huge box they were put in to..

On my last phone call to her, I enquired how she was on oxygen—She said don’t worry,I’ll still be here when you get back..

But I would rather have lost her knowing we all loved her,cherish and appreciate what She gave us more than the cooked food,the suhol or the clothes—her heart.her love and her life.

I still don’t know what to do. or what lies ahead. I guess nobody does..

I got here. In the proverbial bridge and I don’t know how to cross it yet.

rhea

I thank God for giving me the opportunity to care for both of you when you weren't well..sorry I couldn't say goodbye yet..Ill still look forward to the weekends when I raid ur kusina or ur pedicure sundays..those lazy sundays sa ledesma--of reading newspaper,each of us on a different section..nanay would always have the one I want to read,so I have to read boring stuff first--like the front page,or the opinion section..be it philstar,malaya or pdi.the countless humba,adobo and kambing!for understanding that wen and madi are the only ilocano words i truly understand.hahaha.salamat sa sleepovers ko before..sleeping with tatay's huragok and the my wobbly tooth.regards nlang ko k tatay nay.
salamat nanay mencing,salamat nanay charing...^^

:"""(

I cant even cry.
I am now grandmotherless .losing my nanay mencing 2 and half weeks ago,now my nanay charing naman.
two great women in my life.the mothers of my parents..
It got me thinking...do I regret leaving ?
I didn't realize that that afternoon of november 26th of 2008 was the last time I was gonna see them alive. It was when i was on the way to the van terminal for davao.2 days before I left for the UK.

I feel numb.

I could really use a wish right now

june--was the hardest month I ever had to endure..my best friend got sick..i watched movies like 10 times in the cinema!!
then june 25th as I woke up,I checked my facebook thru my fon..there was a msg from apple (my cousin) saying---ate yang,wala na c nanay.
I denied for as long as i can.praying and telling nanay that just for that day,let me think everything was well and she hasn't left us.
My heart is broken.to smithereens.I loved Nanay so much..I just wished I showed her more..
She loved us all,every single one of us..all nanay's boy and nana's girls..(23 granchildren,10 children)
I wish I made it home last May....:""""(

GLEE

:Something has changed within me Something is not the sameI'm through with playing by the rulesOf someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll tryDefying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits'
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buyDefying gravity
Kiss me goodbyeI'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:(

2010

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you are wonderful. And don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the new year, you surprise yourself. — Neil Gaiman

Firsts:

First big freeze.the worst winter in UK in 30 years.as of today on my part of the country it's -6..in Nina's it's -11.in scotland it's -21..not to mention snow falling non stop.

I am already 25 years old and will be turning a year older in about 9 months time.
I want to save money for the future.I want to read more books.I want to go visit places.I want to find what it is I'm still looking for..


My 2000's in a nut shell:graduated high school,transferred to davao started college,met new friends,graduated ,passed board exams,failed cgfns,quit first job after 5 months,had chikenpox, been a slacker for a year,trained @DMC,finally worked in my hometown,got visa for Uk.worked and still working as carer and studying at the same time.met new people from different parts of the world *_~


Sicut me Deus adjuvet

got bitten by the BUG

stomach bug aka viral infectious AGE has finally got me.
My residents had it since monday last week,hence the barrier nursing.but it wasn't strictly followed.i guess my co workers really dont know much about controlling infection.most of the staff had got it last wk.I didn't.
I follwed strict rules of washing my hands,changing clothes,shoes,and having a bath before coming in my room or the kitchen.
sadly,as the residents upstairs(where it all started) was getting better,the downstairs people has just got it monday afternoon when I came in.
i felt nauseous already by 5 pm.by the time i got home i felt really ill.didn't bother eating,just went to bed with tummy ache.then @ 4am it woke me up.diarrhea and vomitting ensue.up until 3 am this morning.I hope I'll be better tomorrow,been off sick for 2 days now.I got a lot of things to do.cleaning,laundry,ironing,stock up supplies coz it's gonna be New year..

In memoriam: Mr. D K died last wednesday,Amidst the bug that everybody else had except him.Goddbye mate.have a goodnight ~_^ It happened so soon and I had not said my goodbye,you see I was downstairs that day and wasn't permitted to go up ..
Sicut me Deus Adjuvet