art of seduction

LULLABY
Ciel Perlas

Tulog na aking mahal
Takot ay kalimutan
Di kailanman iiwan
Pagmamahal sa'yo ilalaan
Di hahayaang masaktan
Gabi't araw ay babantayan
Hangga't ako ay kailangan
Pangako ko hindi lilisan
Ang araw ay sisikat din
Magwawakas rin ang dilim
Liwanag ay masisilayan din
Bukas ay salubungin
Harapin ang umaga
Dala nito'y pag-asaYakapin mo ang ligaya
Pagkat hindi ka na mag-iisa
Ang araw ay sisikat din
Magwawakas rin ang dilim
Liwanag ay masisilayan dinBukas ay salubungin
Tahan na...Ang araw ay sisikat din
Magwawakas rin ang dilim
Liwanag ay masisilayan din
Bukas ay salubungin
Di na muling luluha pa
Ligaya ay nahanap na...

rostered 1/17/2007

thank God...51 days to go ....D-Day is coming..n m getting ready.
Sicut me Deus Adjuvet

do or die

If u dreamed of a dead loved one,does it mean ur gonna die too?
I woke up at 7:30am...I dreamed of my lolo,whom i call tatay...first it was like something was pulling me into a wall.I am in a small room...then I saw my lolo on the bed,Smiling at me.then we hugged and he kissed me in the cheeks..all I said was {"tay,nakita mo na c lawrence?"(he's my 1st pamangkin sa pinsan n tatay's first apo sa tuhod..}
then there was my youngest cousin sai..Tatay kissed them.then I woke up..
What cud this mean?
I've been having dreams about my family these past few days..maybe because i miss them..But this is the first time i ever dreamed of someone over the rainbow..i dunno.
am absent today...i went to St.Jude parish and prayed for tatay..lit candles.maybe I outta go visit him when I go home this weekend..
Sicut me Deus Adjuvet

do or die

If u dreamed of a dead loved one,does it mean ur gonna die too?
I woke up at 7:30am...I dreamed of my lolo,whom i call tatay...first it was like something was pulling me into a wall.I am in a small room...then I saw my lolo on the bed,Smiling at me.then we hugged and he kissed me in the cheeks..all I said was {"tay,nakita mo na c lawrence?"(he's my 1st pamangkin sa pinsan n tatay's first apo sa tuhod..}
then there was my youngest cousin sai..Tatay kissed them.then I woke up..
What cud this mean?
I've been having dreams about my family these past few days..maybe because i miss them..But this is the first time i ever dreamed of someone over the rainbow..i dunno.
am absent today...i went to St.Jude parish and prayed for tatay..lit candles.maybe I outta go visit him when I go home this weekend..
Sicut me Deus Adjuvet

still not rostered

it's 56 days to d-day,but I'm still not rostered.....hope I do get Rostered soon..for the march exam..I NEED THAT CHANCE..Sicut me Deus Adjuvet..

Chasing Cars
We'll do it all
Everything On our own
We don't need Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?
I don't quite know How
to say How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all
I can see I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world

post partum

had visited sweetot sa hospital.hav'nt seen her since yesterday..post partum mum na sya..nkita ko na c ulrich but pix lng muna.wla pa kc xa room in..Mother n son will be going home this afternoon...

baby's out

yesterday,December21st at 4pm..my best friend,SWEET gave birth to a 2.85
kg healthy baby boy.He will be named Ulrich..I'll be posting his pics
soon...Congrats!

i love him here

to uncle boy

my earliest memory of you was when you were trimming my fingernails,now, I couldn't even return the favor..last wensday,nov 15 as i see you unconscious and restless @the ER...i just went numb.blank.heart pounding
..I felt nauseated.lightheaded.I was embarassed that I could faint don sa treatment room. .So i went out,leaving you to somebody else's care.I went to the church you know.I prayed.for you.
But there are things out of my control..it's a lesson I learned and still learning.the night before you died,I talked to God.to take care of you..
I denied myself of crying 4 u in the hospital because I have to be strong or pretend to be for mama.
I love you.May God welcome you home uncle boy.May your soul rest in peace.
give my love to tatay...will you.ill b praying for you.
thank you very much for everything.

love,
yangyang

mardi gras

grey's anatomy

meredith grey: Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we
want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see
what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to
ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We
deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.

life begins at 21

Life is like a box of chocolates,you never know what you gonna get -Forrest Gump

I became a nurse @ 21.Life was sweet. I went job hunting..been a Jobless bummer for five long months.

then the CALL came,I was finally in..I'm entering the ''real'' world..

'twas then Life became bitter....I was idealistic.reality bites.

responsibilities smothered me,near death.

guilt.it became harder and harder to breathe. I quit..

freedom..

masarap maging malaya,walang problema...masarap maging bata.

I have to grow up..take the bitter chocolate.. to feel good..and to live.

days can be good, sometimes bad... But there is God.

and my family.my friends.

now, I'm diving back..back to the very place i desperately wanted to escape.this is the bitter chocolate.fear?..i can't be afraid forever.or be a bummer forever.

this is my life and it began @ 21.

am a year old now..a toddler and growing.

Sicut me deus adjuvet

'',

“English-Tagalog Dictionary”

1) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan

2) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol

3) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok

4) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis

5) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya

6) Devastation - sakayan ng bus

7) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas

8) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?

9) Tissue - Ikaw nga!

10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa

11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa

12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo

13) Deduct - Ang pato

14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato)

15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato)

16) Deposit - Ang Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)1

7) City - Bago mag-utso; a number to follow 6

18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna

19) Persuading - Unang Kasal

20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING

22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING

23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod

24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha

(11)25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)

26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian

27) Profit - Patunayan mo

28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet

29) Backlog - bacon saka egg

30) Beehive - magpakatino ka

31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto

32) Debug - ang ipis

33) Defrag - ang palaka

34) Defense - ang bakod

35) Defer - ang balahibo

36) Deflate - ang plato

37) Detest - ang eksamin

38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V

39) Devote - ang boto

40) Dilemma - brownout, a!

41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane

42) Forums - apat na kwarto

43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?

44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F

45) Thesis - ito ay...

a must read!

The ‘March’ of time
By Debbie Ang Uy
The Philippine STAR
09/10/2006

I was walking back to a hotel one noontime in Makati when a woman suddenly stopped me. She was thin, middle-aged, casually dressed, and had a distraught look on her face. Her mouth was moving fast, but the surrounding noise drowned out her voice. Finally I heard, "Nurse po ako sa Canada, nanakawan ako ng wallet sa tren. Kung pwede makahingi ng pamasahe." (I’m a nurse in Canada. My wallet got stolen on the train. Could you spare me money for transportation?) Warning bells rang in my head. Was this a hold-up in disguise? If she needed money, why was she carrying a lot of shopping bags? On instinct, I shook my head and said, "Sorry, wala po e." She nodded her head, as if used to the rejection, and stepped back. I walked away. Then I felt guilty. Why did I refuse to give help? I knew why: I was afraid. I was, after all, in Makati, the same place where I had been held up years ago. Naturally I would be paranoid. I had heard of scams like this before. A stranger asks for help, a Good Samaritan lends a hand but gets robbed at the least. But what if this person was telling the truth? I tried to shake off my guilt. What was happening to me? I used to be the person who wanted to help. I used to want to change the world. And yet, and yet. The things I do and the things I do not do… This lack of courage and loss of idealism echoed as I read Geraldine Brooks’ 2006 Pulitzer prize—winner for fiction, March. Inspired by Louisa May Alcott’s classic Little Women, this poetic novel is set during the first year of the Civil War in the 1860s. Brooks takes the character of the absent father Mr. March and weaves a story about how a man struggles to live according to his ideals during the war. One of the passages that struck me the most in March was this: "It is a hard thing when a man is ruined by the very idea that most animates him." For March, it is his idealism, his strong belief in the cause of freeing slaves. His support in the abolition not only ruins him financially, it also ruins his sense of identity. When the Civil War breaks out, March goes to war as a chaplain despite being a not-so-youthful 39-year-old. He joins because he believes in the cause of a free nation where all people are equal. But as the war progresses, things go from bad to worse. Gradually, March detests his cowardice when his courage could have saved people. He wants to be heroic, but his flaws keep his feet on the ground, unmoving. He realizes that not everyone on his side is good, that even slaves can betray fellow slaves. After serving in the war, March no longer recognizes the man he was. He goes home, but feels like a stranger to his own self. As he sets on the path leading to his house, he feels like an impostor. "This was the house of another man. A man I remembered. A person of moral certainty, and some measure of wisdom, whom many called courageous. How could I masquerade as such a one? For I was a fool, a coward, uncertain of everything." Such is human nature, to imagine ourselves as bigger and better persons than we actually are. But when a tough situation arises and we fail, we cannot forgive ourselves for our weakness, for not doing what we should have done. So we torture ourselves that had we acted differently, things could have been better. They say that books choose you inasmuch as you choose them. I read March without any expectations more than to be entertained. But page after page, I began to relate to the main character’s crossing from idealism to despair to acceptance. Without my being aware of it, March came at the time when I needed to read it. In one of the passages where March talks of the abolition, he quotes the German poet Heine: "We do not have ideas. The idea has us… and drives us into the arena to fight for it like gladiators, who combat whether they will or not." The idea that took hold of me years ago was that I could change the community, make it better. I could be of service. This idealism – and a generous amount of naiveté – pushed me into an arena where I believed I could turn my idealism into reality. But things don’t always turn out as planned. Circumstances are not ideal. And we are not always equipped to deal with non-ideal situations. Before long, I began to lose sight of my goals. I wanted to go back to the person I was once, but who was she really? The ailing March, even on the verge of death, does not want to go home. By his own principles, he had not earned the right. "The efforts of the past year, all of them bore rotten fruit. Innocents have died because of me. People have been dragged back into bondage. I cannot go home – to comfort and peace – until I have redeemed the losses I have caused." By my own principles, I had earned the right to be realistic. I did not cause big losses but I felt my obligation was to take the road more traveled, because I had been disappointed in the road less traveled. I allowed other people to direct me because I wanted to redeem myself in their eyes. It took me time and tears to realize that I owed it to myself to take my own path. Eventually, March is prevailed upon to go home. He is advised that going back to war will not help him or anyone. "Write sermons that will prepare your neighbors to accept a world where black and white may one day stand as equals," he is told. Now I’m trying to reconnect with the person I once was, to the person I liked. This time naiveté is tempered with lessons learned. The spark of idealism is still there, but now kept in check by reality. I no longer aim to change the world by doing great, noble work. I comfort myself that even little things, done with sincerity and good intentions, will find their way into that great, bottomless box of goodwill. The world is not perfect, not everyone is good and supportive. Even we cannot be perfect, no matter how much we try to be. But in most aspects, I count myself lucky. Compared with the rest of the world’s problems, my concerns are mundane, only the tip of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. But each of us bears our own burdens. These problems may not be as immediate or as life-threatening as March’s, but like him, I struggle to be the person I think I should be. And so I work at and hope, with the hope of all hopes and a fearful heart, to someday be a person of passion, ability, courage, faith, and purpose. To come home to the person I will be proud to call me. Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that it all happened to you, and afterwards it all belongs to you." March is my favorite book not only because it is beautifully written, haunting and excellent. Although Mr. March "lived" more than 150 years ago and in far different circumstances, his struggles are still contemporary. Years from now I will look back at this period in my life and remember March, of how it spoke to me and of my own struggles. Because of this, I did not just read the book, I experienced it. To borrow from Hemingway: it belongs to me.

addendum

its rea pala..was on my way bak hir in gensan last thursday ng ma axidente bus namin.no one was hurt but it brought fear and shock to us all.was not able to go on duty that nyt..surviving an accident unscathed and with complete body parts still makes me feel nervous..thankful also.reflective,that i might hav died..but not yet.

today is rr's funeral..I pray for tinay...to be strong..and learn to let go.

para sau RR

thank you for everything..d ko na natupad promis ko na librehin ka,kau ni tinay..salamat sa paglibre sa suazo at sa pagsagot sa lahat ng lab results na pinapa interpret ko..sori kung my nagawa man akong d mo nagustuhan..
may you find peace wherever you are.my friend.

(sept3,2006 4am wen he slept forever)



salamat.

justice prolonged becomes JUSTIIS

well after having chikenpox atlast month, I finally did it.I filed for resignation effective n the 29th,though I think they will terminate me in the near future for Absenteism and for being sick, most of the time. I'm such a pain in their ***.
Regrets? only that I have not decided earlier.But now,I'm counting dwn d days to d-day...26 days to g and I'm out.
antagal pa non.huhuhu.
God help me conquer those 26 days that when this is all over,I'll still be whole,unscathed and be able to sleep well at night.

Sicut me Deus Adjuvet